Making Time

Since the introduction of agenda books in middle school, I've known that organizing your time and routine are important things.  I've just never been very good or consistent in this regard.  I always thought that I would just pick it up when I really needed to.  It never occurred to me that I would have to practice organizing my time like any other skill, or that routine wouldn't just come naturally for each part of my life.

This is especially true for motherhood.  Now more than ever, I'm finding that I really need routine and schedules.  Logan has a rough routine; he's generally up around 7 or 8 in the morning, usually naps around noon or 1 in the afternoon (for anything from half an hour to three hours on a really good day!), and then we bath around 8.  Beyond that, we don't have much of a routine.  

Meals have been a "wing it" situation, which has probably contributed to his off-and-on relationship with solid food.  Logan is a big fruit eater, and he loves yogurt and cheese, but there's not much else that passes his lips without a fuss.  I know that children can be picky eaters.  It feels like I just haven't been consistent enough with food, though.  That's something I really need to work on.  I would like to sit down with one of my mommy-friends (probably my sister), and work on a meal plan for Logan.  A two-week variety of meals, so I know what to buy, and can prepare most of it ahead of time.  Freeze-and-reheat foods are great!  I definitely want more veggies in Logan's diet, and protein. 

Playtime is his time to roam around the living room with a movie in the background.  Up until the last few days, Logan has been big on playing on his own.  Now, he wants more of my attention.  I need to get used to this in a hurry; I've always used his playtime to either do things around the house, or work on knitting and crochet projects.  I think it's time to create a bit of structured playtime, though.  Sensory activities, quick games to work on fine motor skills and things like colors and shapes.  He's started pointing to things, saying "Dish" (which I interpret as "this"), so I will give him the word for what he's pointing at.  When we play, I always try to mention the color and shape of objects (red square, yellow circle, etc...).  Most of the time it feels like enough, but now that Logan is more curious about objects, I think we can do more learning games.

Reading is another area we could work on.  I've been reading Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone to Logan whenever I can at bedtime (which is another routine without routine...), but he often grabs at the book and becomes more alert at the sound of my voice.  I have also tried to read to him while he's playing, but again, he grabs at the book and makes it hard to get through a single page.  He loves to flip through and play with the durable cardboard baby books, though.  I think we'll be snagging some more of those for him, and I will make a point to read a few with his every day.  And, I will continue Harry Potter!

Outings have started to become more regular.  Since I started going to the gym, I get out three times a week for that, in the mornings.  After the gym we do any quick errands that need doing, then come home for a quiet afternoon.  Gym days are often the days he naps the best, since he is usually in the childcare, playing with the other kids and getting his energy out.  Non-gym days have been a little different.  Last week I was very good about getting out of the house, since the weather was so nice.  We took Ria for walks, and went to the park to play for a little while.  Again, he napped better after these outings.  This week, though, has been cold and windy, and since Logan doesn't have a proper winter coat yet (I'm working on it!  It's very hard to find a good used one...), I am wary of taking him out for too long in the cold and wind and rain.  He also needs a hat and mittens.  I made him a pair of mittens that were supposed to fit a 2 year old, but either the pattern was full of BS, or my kid has huge hands, because I couldn't get his little digits in those things for all the bacon in the world!  Getting some outer wear for Logan will really help get us out of the house more, and in turn, make his napping better.

(This is getting really long, but I have one more thing to cover!)

And now we're on to bath and bedtime.  Baths are pretty routine now that we have a tub.  Logan lights up with a grin when you say it's bath time.  He's got lots of bath toys, including a little basketball game for the tub, complete with a net that sticks to the wall.  Last week, he even started putting the balls in the basket!  After the bath, we go to his room, lights dim, his night-sounds playing, and rub lavender lotion all over him until he looks sleepy.  Then it's off to the living room for a bottle.  Nice and routine-ish.  Bed time, on the other hand, is crazy.  Some nights he will have a bath, take a bottle, and fall asleep.  Most nights, though, he will want to play for an hour.  Or more.  And then he's nibbling on the bottles and gets super cranky, which doesn't help with getting him calm.  Some nights he doesn't go to sleep until 11.  It is very frustrating, and the area where I feel like I have the least control over the routine.  What can I do if he's not ready for sleep?

There are many areas where I know I need to work on creating a routine, and be more consistent.  And I will.  Things will get easier and more regular around here.  It will just take some time.

Little By Little

It's very true that nothing changes until suddenly it's all different.  You don't notice the changing color of the leaves until they're all bright yellow and orange and red, or the growth of your town until it's suddenly a city, or even your own maturing until you find a grey hair or wrinkle.

This morning Logan, Ria and I went for a walk to the park, and I noticed for the first time this year how chilly it really is getting out there.  I've been looking for a winter jacket for him, and I'll be making some mittens and a hat this afternoon.  In the meantime, I feel like the worst parent ever, for not bundling him until he sweats!  I'm pretty sure that a few people looked at me sideways as we passed, even though I did my best to make sure Logan was covered and warm enough; undershirt, sweater, hoodie, socks, shoes, mittens and zipped up in a stroller blanket.  There's no point in worrying about it, though.  We do what we can, and if it's not good enough for someone else, that's too bad!

Last week we had a bad 12 hour flu sweep through our house.  Even Ria wasn't feeling well.  Besides that temporary sickness, though, we've all been feeling very well.  Particularly me.  I'm not sure if it's the meds alone that are helping, or the change of location and situation, or even the light at the end of our financial tunnel coming up, but I have been in good spirits for the past couple of weeks.  My energy is coming back, and I have more motivation every day to get a few things done.  I do know that the medication is helping, though, because while we were sick, I missed a couple of doses, and had a really bad day.  So I have to give credit where it's due, and say thank you to my Cipralex for keeping me out of the dark.  There's still a long road ahead; I certainly don't feel like I would be comfortable coming off the medication any time soon.

Since signing up at Good Life for Women, I've only managed to get a few workouts in, and a handful of volunteer hours.  Mostly because Logan has been adjusting to being with new people.  I've had to go to him and spend time calming him in the childcare area at the gym, so my time gets cut short.  On Friday, though, he did very well!  He even had a short nap!  I'm looking forward to Monday, and I'm committing myself to three days a week for working out and volunteering.  My workout felt a little too short on Friday, so I may even stretch it out a little, if I can.  Now that Logan is comfortable in childcare, I can concentrate more on myself there, and get myself in shape!

Another slow change around here is the house itself.  We're still unpacking.  There's no pictures hung yet.  Boxes are piled up in the kitchen where a table should be.  This week I am determined to get it all finished, in one day if we have to.  I don't want to go into the Christmas season with boxes still unpacked and my walls bare.  I would like to give my attention to the gifts I need to make!

And then there's Logan.  He is growing so fast...  A week ago, he was using only a few sounds, one at a time.  Now, he's babbling regularly, using many, many sounds!  It sounds like he's trying to say banana, but it comes out "ba-bab-ah".  He tends to leap into new tricks, so we're expecting a first word out of the blue by the end of the year.

There are so many little changes, all around us, every day...  It's hard not to miss them, and even harder not to regret what we miss.  We just need to pay more attention, I guess, and enjoy the moments as they come, as best we can.

Change (is good)

The big move to a new town is done.  There is still some unpacking to do, and organizing, but we are taking our time to get it all put away right the first time (we spent our entire 18 months in our last place reorganizing our home every few weeks. I'm not doing that here!).  

This place is a lot different, in many ways.  For one, we now have three sets of neighbors, not just one.  Fortunately, they all seem friendly and considerate so far.  A little rough around the edges, but nice all the same.  Our apartment is at once larger and smaller, if that makes any sense at all.  We have more floor space, and closet space, but cupboards are lacking everywhere, and the kitchen has less counter space.  I'm having to make do right now, especially without a kitchen table.  On the plus side, we're forced to keep the counters clean and the dishes done!  Logan's room is also smaller, but his huge closet almost makes up for it.  We spend more time out in the living room anyway, so I'm not upset about his room.  Ours, on the other hand, is actually bigger!  I like having more room to walk around the bed.  Sadly, the mirrored closet doors are not flattering at all...  I feel like I belong on World's Largest People every morning when I look at myself in that mirror.

Besides our living quarters, this town is a lot different, too.  There is a definite small-town mentality here.  People say "Hello" when you walk by, and engage you in conversation in the line at the grocery store.  I went to a pet store today, and they carried the bag of food out to the car for me, asked me all about our dog, and Logan.  I'm certainly going back to Healthy Spot.  There's more courtesy on the roads.  Even the roads are more sensible!  This place is laid out quite well, and it's been easy to find my way around on my own.  I used to rely on Ryan to direct me when I was going someplace new for the first time.  Of course there are familiar things here, such as stores I like to shop at, and a new favorite: The Dollar Tree.  Everything for $1.  Everything.  I could get in a lot of trouble there!

Ryan's job, the town we live in, a new apartment...  and I'm now a member at Good Life for Women!  I entered my name in a ballot box for a skookum membership deal, and was drawn!  Yesterday morning, I went over to the gym (which is at Superstore, the place I get all our groceries!), had a tour, and got to hear about all the deals they could give me.  Basically, if I volunteer my time there, tidying up around the gym, for at least 12 hours a month, I get my membership and childcare for Logan for free the following month.  I paid for this month, and starting next month, it will be free!  This is exciting for me, because not only will it help me lose weight, losing weight will help my back feel better, possibly ease the deadness in my leg, and help with my depression.  Not to mention, I'm now committed to getting out of the house at least six hours every week!  I'll also meet new people, maybe make some friends out here.  Who knows!  If anyone is considering joining a gym, check out Good Life.  It's definitely an Every Body kind of gym, the rates are very reasonable (about $35 a month!),  and the staff were very kind and helpful.  Memberships include classes; I'm scheduled for a Flow class next week: Yoga, Tai Chi and Pilates all rolled into one!

Can you tell I'm excited about this?

The biggest change has been my outlook on things.  I wouldn't say my depression is going away yet, but that glimmer of light is back, and I can see good things coming my way again.  There's still more hard days than good ones, but slowly...

All of these good changes will help!  And who knows what the spring will bring!

Excuse Me For a Moment

With the big moving day approaching, and all the things left to do that go with moving, I realize I'm not going to have much time to do anything I'd like to for the next couple of weeks.  Such as update my blog.  I'm not a regular blogger to begin with, so it's not like I've set myself a certain day to publish a new post every week.  I just don't like feeling like I'm neglecting this.  

It gets really hard to post anything, though, when my son is trying to climb into my lap, or grab papers or pens from the desk.

I will be very glad when this move is done.  Yesterday I told Ryan that when we unpack at the new place, it's not going to be one of those "put it where you can and organize it later" deals.  We have to organize everything as we unpack, or I will spend the next six months going crazy trying to figure my crap out again.  And what I really need these days is a little sanity.

The packing has been going quite well, though.  Boxes are being labeled very clearly, and they are also being packed in an organized manner.  We've been sorting things as we pack, and getting a pile of things to get rid of along the way.  Anything that needs to be stored has been set aside and will be loaded on the truck last so we can do that before we head out to our new place.  (I don't feel comfortable calling it our new home yet...  it might become our home, but right now, it's just a different place we'll be living.)  The Moving Day boxes are coming together, too.

All in all, things are going well, and I don't feel overwhelmed (just whelmed...! haha).  I've had lots of help from Ryan, and Mum.  If I could just get Logan to sleep for more than half an hour at a time, I could get a lot more done on my own!

So, excuse me for a while, as I move, and get organized!

Moving Musings

A couple of weeks ago, I had a little revelation, that I couldn't keep on ignoring my depression, and that I needed help dealing with it.  I received a lot of help, and a lot more support, since then, and I know it will keep coming, so thank you everyone.  A good friend of mine called me a few hours after I published my post, and we had a really good, long talk.  The next day, I called my doctor and was able to see him right away.

Having been down Depression Drive before, I knew that my first step was to get some help in the form of medication.  Talking, counseling, and help from family and friends just isn't enough for me.  I'm now taking Cipralex, which helped me a lot the last go around, and is already doing me so much good now.  It's easier to think, control my emotions, and just plain function.

And what have I been thinking about?  Moving, of course!  Since I don't have enough on my plate already... *insert sarcasm here*

But it's good.  Ryan got an offer for a better position, in a different town, so off we go.  It's happening rather fast, though, and I really want to make it as easy on myself as possible.  So, instead of our usual wait-until-the-last-few-days-and-toss-everything-in-random-boxes moving style, we're going with the well-organized approach.  

Drawers, papers and closets will get sorted before any packing begins, so that we're not moving our mess with us.  Then, all the non-essentials, like decor, pictures, books and all that gets packed up.  After that, bathroom and kitchen extras, shed contents, and anything that needs storing elsewhere (thanks Mum!).  On moving day, everything will be organized and ready to go on the truck in an orderly fashion.  Last thing to go on the truck will be our Moving Day Box - a little something I thought up last night.  I'm probably not the first person to think of doing this, but I feel pretty brilliant this morning!

Part of the stress of moving comes from arriving at the new place, and not having the essentials at hand.  Then you're forced to dig through ill-labeled boxes to find what you need, which makes a mess that you have to wade through.  That is so not happening this time around.  We are going to pack a box (or two) with everything you need that first night in the new place.  I'm still working on my list, but I've got a good start that I want to share:

Moving Day Box Contents:
- phone chargers
- toilet paper and paper towels
- toiletries (toothbrushes, toothpaste, soap, etc)
- towels (kitchen and bath)
- sheets for beds
- pj's and a change of clothes for everyone
- 2 settings of dishes and cutlery
- healthy snacks
- coffee, coffee maker and sugar
- tools for bed assembly

I'm sure there will be other items I haven't thought of that should be on this list.  If you can think of any, please share!

The White Flag

While my last couple of posts have been upbeat, positivity-filled gush, I realize I have to raise the white flag, and surrender to the facts.

I am depressed.  I'm too deep to cope with it alone anymore.  I need help.

There, I've said it.  I need help.  Your help, a doctor's help, medication help.  My breaking point has been last night and today.  Since Ryan left for work it's been all I can do to make sure Logan doesn't hurt himself, gets fed and changed, and...  well, that's about it.

Every day has been harder and harder.  Chores piling up, my back and leg getting worse, my weight shooting through the roof, and as Logan grows and learns to be more mobile and independent, our basement suite seems to shrink.  Dealing with all this was okay at first, I could do it.  Then, I thought I could use a hand now and then, and I felt a little like a tool for asking for help.  So I'd mask it with "anyone want to come hold a baby?/have coffee?".  That grew into "anyone able to come give me a hand?", and became very frustrating, since everyone else has things they need to tend to in their own lives as well, and couldn't come when I needed help.  Really, I understand!  I just need some help...

And all the while, I kept thinking, "I should talk to Ryan, or my sister, or someone..." but I haven't had the guts to admit it even to myself, so how could I say anything to anyone else?  Logan has been on a very erratic sleep "schedule" lately, waking once, sometimes three or four times a night.  Last night, he went down around 8pm, woke at midnight, and wouldn't go back to sleep until about 2.  Then he was up again around 4.  He went back to sleep for a couple of hours, and we've been up ever since, and I've been crying since Ryan left for work.

I need some help.  Please.

Quick Post: Intention vs. Habit

This is just a really quick post...  more like a post-it note to myself...  it's time to live more intentionally!  I've heard of this concept before, but never given it much thought.

There are a lot of changes I want to make for myself, but they won't happen if I don't change the way I go through each day.

Just some food for thought.

Bad Days

Being a mother is teaching me many things that I thought I knew.  Such as, there will be bad days.  Lots of bad days.  You know, the days when the baby is teething, moody and restless, and it seems there’s no end in sight.  Those days when you struggle to keep your eyes open, play with and take care of your child, and get dinner in the oven.  Those days when you just sit on the couch and make sure the baby doesn’t hurt himself…

Yes, those days when you feel a little depressed.  I’ve been having quite a lot of those days lately.  Trying to cope with the difficulties previously mentioned has been draining me, and I can feel myself falling into a place I know quite well, and don’t want to be in.  Depression.  Anxiety.  Helplessness that is like a black hole.  Exhaustion that no amount of sleep can cure.

It’s time for the big guns!

I’m not talking about medication.  I’m talking about strategies to cope with the bad days, and cut the downward spiral short.  Anyone who has ever struggled with depression has learned techniques to help themselves come out of it.  Some are more effective than others, but everyone is different and what works for one person might not work for another.

For me, I’ve found that oh-so-cheesy “focus on the positive” technique to be quite helpful.  It was Ryan who helped me find this coping mechanism, actually.  He would ask me to tell him three good things about my day.  Some days it was very hard to think of something good to say about my day.  I would have to find even the smallest good thing, like “I found a dime on the sidewalk”, or “I heard my favorite song on the radio”.   Finding good things to think about isn’t as hard now that Logan is around, though.  If he giggles it’s enough to make the bad day seem less awful.  The trick is, I need to go over those little things at the end of the day, and remind myself that there will be good things about my day when I get up.  I remind myself every morning to look forward to the moments when he giggles or does something new or something cute.

A new trick I’m starting to use as well, is to give myself something to look forward to at the end of the day that’s just for me.  When Logan goes down for the night, I can spend an hour doing whatever I want.  Mostly it’s crocheting or knitting, but it could be reading, playing a computer game, or watching a movie with Ryan.  Or anything else, really. 

Sleep is also really important.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the advice “Sleep when baby sleeps”.  And I can’t express how nearly useless it is for me.  I can hardly ever sleep during the day, and I find it hard to fall asleep at night.  I’m lucky if I get seven hours of sleep, even if Logan sleeps for ten or more hours.  When I climb into bed at night, even if I’m utterly spent, my brain just doesn’t shut up.  So, I drown it out with relaxing sounds on my iPhone (I’ve really been into the slow waves and Zen tunes lately…).  I can change up the mix when my current one doesn’t work as well, and it never fails to put me to sleep within half an hour.  I envy my husband, who can be asleep before he even closes his eyes.

I also find setting small goals for the day to be helpful.  They can be anything from “fold the laundry” to “play in the yard for half an hour”.  Some days my goal is actually “accomplish nothing”.  If I set “nothing” as my goal, I don’t feel as guilty for not getting anything done, because I’ve accomplished my goal!  I keep my goals to one or two per day.  That way, if I get more done, it’s extra rewarding, and if I don’t, I’m not disappointed with myself.

  

HA!  Take that, Bad Days!

Crochet Tutorial: Magic Circles

It’s been a little longer than I wanted since my last post.  Mostly I’ve been lazy about it, but partly too busy, too.  Also, I was waiting for Dear Husband of Mine to help me with photos for the crochet tutorial I promised.  That didn’t happen, and I’m tired of waiting for time for him to do it, so I took my own photos.  I’m not promising glorious, professional quality photos for this tutorial, since they were taken with my phone.  I have no idea how to work Ryan’s camera, and when I try, I take worse pictures than I could with my phone anyways.

In my last post, I mentioned how I needed to learn to make a Magic Circle for a crochet project I was starting, and since I’m absolutely green when it comes to crochet, I had no idea what any of the tutorials I found online were talking about.  Today, I’m writing my own tutorial for Magic Circles that will include a few vital pieces of information that all the others skipped over.  For us newbies, that’s cruel.  My tutorial will have plenty of pictures, and detailed instructions.  It may seem tedious, but if you got here because you were searching for this information, it will be worth it to read through the whole thing, and follow along!

With all that out of the way, on to the real topic:  Magic Circles, For Newbs!

A Magic Circle is a circle of stitches pulled together so they leave no hole.  It’s great for socks, hats, and anything else you want closed at one end.  To make one, you need to wrap your single crochet stitches around a loop.  Here’s how!

 

Step One:  Make a loop around a few of your fingers, as in this photo.  Your tail should be in front, and the working end in back.  Keep a tail a few inches long, depending on how many stitches you need to start your pattern. 

 Step Two:  Pull your working end through with your hook.  Your hook goes in the front of your original loop, pulling your yarn from the back to the front.

Tighten the working end around the hook, but leave the original loop loose. 

Step Three:  Make one chain.  As in, pull your working end through the loop you just made.

Step Four:  Make your first single crochet around both the tail and working end of the yarn by inserting your hook from the front, under both threads, and pulling the working end through to the front.  Complete the stitch as usual.

To the left is the loop for the single crochet stitch (yellow), under both the tail and working threads (blue).

On the right is my finished stitch.

Step Five:  Continue with your single crochet stitches around the loop for as many as you need.

Step Six:  When you’ve finished, make sure all your stitches are facing outside the loop.  If they’re not, just shuffle them so they are, otherwise your Magic Circle won’t be so magical, and you will have to start over.  

  

Step Seven: Now, pull the tail end so the loop tightens.  And look!  You’ve got a Magic Circle!  All you need to do now is join the end to the first single crochet stitch of your circle, and begin your pattern!

If there is any part of this that confuses you, or if I’ve assumed you know something that you don’t, please tell me.  I want this tutorial to be a great resource for beginner crochet-ers!  Hopefully I can update the pictures later on, so also let me know which ones could be clearer.

I hope this helps, and happy crafting!

What's That All About?

I've been reading a few blogs, just very casually, as I happen across them in my Pinterest travels.  They're mostly by women, about womany things, like fashion, family, DIY projects, knitting...  and then I started to wonder, "What the heck is MY blog really about?".

Sitting here, half on the computer, half watching Logan play, I think I've figured it out.  

Don't Forget The Milk is about things that Moms think about.  The regular, boring stuff.  Housekeeping, making dinner, raising kids of all ages, and even those things we like to do in our ever-so-rare spare time.

And so, in danger of sounding a little too much like Elmo, guess what I've been thinking about today!  (*Ya-duh-duh-daaaa!*) 

Knitting and crocheting.  Mostly crochet, and more in particular, The Magic Circle.  I've been "commissioned" to make sets of chair and table socks for two separate ladies, and the best pattern I found was for a crochet version, but I'd never done it before.  Ever.  Knitting was pretty easy for me to pick up (thanks Mum for showing me how to get started!), so I knew crochet couldn't be too difficult.  It isn't, really, as far as the basic stitches go.  But for this chair sock pattern, it called for a Magic Circle to start the whole thing off...  "What the heck is that?" I asked myself.

And holy cow, Logan just stood on his own for a few seconds!!

Back to the story...

I went searching the internet; Google, YouTube, all the usual places, and every single tutorial I found assumed I knew one crucial piece of the Magic Circle puzzle.  Which I didn't.  Even tutorials with images or video skimmed over that one bit of info that would have made the whole thing make so much more sense.  I did eventually figure it out for myself.  And when I did, I swore I would post a better instruction on how to make a Magic Circle,

But not today.  I need Ryan here to take the pictures!

So, tell me:  If you had (or have!) a blog, what would (or is!) it be about?

Priorities

Logan is certainly my top priority.   Whatever he needs, I will do for him, in an instant.  Dishes and toilets can wait, laundry doesn’t really need to be folded, and a little dog hair on the carpets isn’t so bad, is it?  At the same time, I feel this unfounded guilt about not getting these things done!  Why?  My son is so much more important than housework, so why should I feel guilty about not having a clean house?  I don’t particularly care if the few guests I have look at my kitchen and cringe a little; I’m certainly not looking to impress anyone!  It’s a completely personal feeling, kind of like I’ve let myself down.  I know I don’t need to feel guilty about it, and really, I shouldn’t.  But I do, and it irritates me.

It irritates me because mess makes it hard for me to enjoy play time, or even my own down time at the end of the day.  Mess makes it hard for me to fall asleep, knowing what I get to wake up to.  I’ve felt this way even before Logan came along.  I don’t like clutter, untidy surfaces, dust, and most especially, dirty floors.  But for some reason, I can never seem to keep my house clean the way I like it.

Maybe I just need to erase this image that’s in my head of the perfect SAHM life, and start over. 

I meant for this post to be a lot longer, and more detailed, but my brain isn’t working like I want it to.  I guess it’s a little untidy at the moment, too!