Priorities

Logan is certainly my top priority.   Whatever he needs, I will do for him, in an instant.  Dishes and toilets can wait, laundry doesn’t really need to be folded, and a little dog hair on the carpets isn’t so bad, is it?  At the same time, I feel this unfounded guilt about not getting these things done!  Why?  My son is so much more important than housework, so why should I feel guilty about not having a clean house?  I don’t particularly care if the few guests I have look at my kitchen and cringe a little; I’m certainly not looking to impress anyone!  It’s a completely personal feeling, kind of like I’ve let myself down.  I know I don’t need to feel guilty about it, and really, I shouldn’t.  But I do, and it irritates me.

It irritates me because mess makes it hard for me to enjoy play time, or even my own down time at the end of the day.  Mess makes it hard for me to fall asleep, knowing what I get to wake up to.  I’ve felt this way even before Logan came along.  I don’t like clutter, untidy surfaces, dust, and most especially, dirty floors.  But for some reason, I can never seem to keep my house clean the way I like it.

Maybe I just need to erase this image that’s in my head of the perfect SAHM life, and start over. 

I meant for this post to be a lot longer, and more detailed, but my brain isn’t working like I want it to.  I guess it’s a little untidy at the moment, too!