One of the hot topics among pregnant women is, obviously, childbirth. There are many, many beautiful childbirth stories out there that make pregnant women feel empowered, and confident about their upcoming birth. But those are usually not the ones they hear. Most of the time, they hear a horror story of pain and trauma. Studies (and common sense) tell us that these are not good for a mother-to-be. These horror stories can make a woman less confident in herself, and her body, which can lead to a difficult, and even traumatic experience. Who wants that?
But is it any different for mothers after birth? I doubt the new mother struggling with her newborn who never seems to sleep will benefit from the story of how you spent 15 hours rocking your baby because she wouldn't sleep otherwise. Think about it.
I'm writing this at 1am, without my glasses on, because I had a very long, very difficult day with my son today. He's had a low fever, and after only 8 hours of sleep yesterday night, would not sleep. I'm talking 18 hours of sick, tired, cranky 17 month old. Rough, hey? It was, and I let everyone know on Facebook, naturally. My friends and family were quite supportive, telling me I could get through it, and making helpful suggestions. Their support helped me get through my day.
Sadly, a cousin of mine was also having a tough time yesterday, with her 2 year old. The responses she received were less than supportive... "just you wait, 3,4 and 5 are no better!", "It only gets worse!" and so on. There were only a few who offered encouragement. It made me sad. Will her day be any better tomorrow? I certainly hope so. But she will have all those comments in her head, and how will they affect her mood? And how will her mood affect her boy, and in turn, the outcome of their day?
I know I've been guilty of it, and I'm sure I'll slip up once in a while, but I'm definitely going to watch what I say to parents who are having a bad day.
Even a simple, "this day will end soon" is worth a million times more to a parent than your tale of a similar experience.
I'll end it there, and let it sink in.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Thursday, June 6, 2013
I Take It Back: A List of Things I Said Before Motherhood
1) "I'm not going to put things out of reach, because my kids won't touch things they shouldn't." Yeah. Right. For some reason, it's so much easier to teach other children not to touch your stuff. I guess your own kids figure it's theirs, too, so they should be able to touch it? In any case, I've run out of high places to put the books and breakables, and have had to resort to preparing myself (and bank account) to replace ripped paperbacks and damaged decor when my son is in high school.
2) "Just take the kid out of the store if he's acting up!" My sister tried explaining this one to me ages before I had my own son. Some days are just bad days. While Logan hasn't yet had a super-tantrum in the middle of Wal-mart, he's had days when he's grumpy as all get-up, and I just want to rush through my grocery shopping as quickly as possible.
3) "I'll stay at home and have lots of time for cleaning, cooking, baking and my hobbies!" It seemed to me that my sister was constantly doing something; outings, sewing, reading... I've often wondered why I don't seem to have the same amount of hours in the day that she supposedly had. Maybe it's because playing with Logan and keeping my house clean is more important to me than my own hobbies?** Or maybe I just suck at managing my time wisely? Nah... Let's go with the first one.
4) "We're going to use cloth diapers!" That didn't work out so well. I agree that it's much better for the environment, and baby. Not so good for my sanity, power bill or storage space. It certainly didn't help that Logan really hated them at first, so I gave up for a long time. Then, when I tried to use them about a month ago, I found the whole process so tedious and time-consuming, I gave it up again. I'll try again next time, but my sanity is more important to me these days. Sorry Mother Nature. And high-five to everyone who uses cloth!
5) "I'll take the baby and the dog out for walks every day." Nope. We're lucky some days if we even make it out to the back yard for more than letting Ria do her business. This wonderful weather is helping get us outside more often, but soon it will be too hot (for me) for most of the day. Oh yeah, and there's only so many weeks a person can ignore the piles of laundry and dishes and dirt before they become disgusting instead of cute.
6) "I'll read to my kids every day." I read most days, but it's not the kind of reading session I imagined, with my son sitting in my lap, hanging on every word of "Pup and Hound", pointing nicely at the pictures... It's more like me sitting on the couch while Logan plays and sort of half listens as I read Harry Potter out loud. He certainly seems to enjoy it, but it's not what I pictured when I promised to read to him every day.
7) "I won't use the TV as a babysitter." Let's face it, sometimes, when dishes just have to be washed, or you need a few minutes of "quiet" time, the television is a glorious invention! And I console myself with the fact that Logan doesn't just sit and watch it at this point (most of the time). He's usually just listening to it while he plays with his toys or harasses the dog.
8) "We're going to make our own baby food." Well, that went out the window, right along with cloth diapers. I couldn't be bothered to cook and puree fruit, veggies and meat myself. It was an awesome idea, but I found just mashing up whatever I was eating at the time worked just as well. Having very little freezer space to store homemade baby food didn't help, either.
9) "I won't lose touch with my friends." Sadly, being a mother takes up a lot of time, and I have lost touch with many people. If that's you, I'm sorry. It just means that when we do get together, there's more to talk about! Right?... Right...?
10) "I'll make time for a shower every day." Well, every week, at least...
**I am definitely NOT saying that my sister cared more about her hobbies than her children! It just seemed to me like she was able to get more done than I'm able to in a day. That's it, that's all, end of discussion!
2) "Just take the kid out of the store if he's acting up!" My sister tried explaining this one to me ages before I had my own son. Some days are just bad days. While Logan hasn't yet had a super-tantrum in the middle of Wal-mart, he's had days when he's grumpy as all get-up, and I just want to rush through my grocery shopping as quickly as possible.
3) "I'll stay at home and have lots of time for cleaning, cooking, baking and my hobbies!" It seemed to me that my sister was constantly doing something; outings, sewing, reading... I've often wondered why I don't seem to have the same amount of hours in the day that she supposedly had. Maybe it's because playing with Logan and keeping my house clean is more important to me than my own hobbies?** Or maybe I just suck at managing my time wisely? Nah... Let's go with the first one.
4) "We're going to use cloth diapers!" That didn't work out so well. I agree that it's much better for the environment, and baby. Not so good for my sanity, power bill or storage space. It certainly didn't help that Logan really hated them at first, so I gave up for a long time. Then, when I tried to use them about a month ago, I found the whole process so tedious and time-consuming, I gave it up again. I'll try again next time, but my sanity is more important to me these days. Sorry Mother Nature. And high-five to everyone who uses cloth!
5) "I'll take the baby and the dog out for walks every day." Nope. We're lucky some days if we even make it out to the back yard for more than letting Ria do her business. This wonderful weather is helping get us outside more often, but soon it will be too hot (for me) for most of the day. Oh yeah, and there's only so many weeks a person can ignore the piles of laundry and dishes and dirt before they become disgusting instead of cute.
6) "I'll read to my kids every day." I read most days, but it's not the kind of reading session I imagined, with my son sitting in my lap, hanging on every word of "Pup and Hound", pointing nicely at the pictures... It's more like me sitting on the couch while Logan plays and sort of half listens as I read Harry Potter out loud. He certainly seems to enjoy it, but it's not what I pictured when I promised to read to him every day.
7) "I won't use the TV as a babysitter." Let's face it, sometimes, when dishes just have to be washed, or you need a few minutes of "quiet" time, the television is a glorious invention! And I console myself with the fact that Logan doesn't just sit and watch it at this point (most of the time). He's usually just listening to it while he plays with his toys or harasses the dog.
8) "We're going to make our own baby food." Well, that went out the window, right along with cloth diapers. I couldn't be bothered to cook and puree fruit, veggies and meat myself. It was an awesome idea, but I found just mashing up whatever I was eating at the time worked just as well. Having very little freezer space to store homemade baby food didn't help, either.
9) "I won't lose touch with my friends." Sadly, being a mother takes up a lot of time, and I have lost touch with many people. If that's you, I'm sorry. It just means that when we do get together, there's more to talk about! Right?... Right...?
10) "I'll make time for a shower every day." Well, every week, at least...
**I am definitely NOT saying that my sister cared more about her hobbies than her children! It just seemed to me like she was able to get more done than I'm able to in a day. That's it, that's all, end of discussion!
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