Bad Days

Being a mother is teaching me many things that I thought I knew.  Such as, there will be bad days.  Lots of bad days.  You know, the days when the baby is teething, moody and restless, and it seems there’s no end in sight.  Those days when you struggle to keep your eyes open, play with and take care of your child, and get dinner in the oven.  Those days when you just sit on the couch and make sure the baby doesn’t hurt himself…

Yes, those days when you feel a little depressed.  I’ve been having quite a lot of those days lately.  Trying to cope with the difficulties previously mentioned has been draining me, and I can feel myself falling into a place I know quite well, and don’t want to be in.  Depression.  Anxiety.  Helplessness that is like a black hole.  Exhaustion that no amount of sleep can cure.

It’s time for the big guns!

I’m not talking about medication.  I’m talking about strategies to cope with the bad days, and cut the downward spiral short.  Anyone who has ever struggled with depression has learned techniques to help themselves come out of it.  Some are more effective than others, but everyone is different and what works for one person might not work for another.

For me, I’ve found that oh-so-cheesy “focus on the positive” technique to be quite helpful.  It was Ryan who helped me find this coping mechanism, actually.  He would ask me to tell him three good things about my day.  Some days it was very hard to think of something good to say about my day.  I would have to find even the smallest good thing, like “I found a dime on the sidewalk”, or “I heard my favorite song on the radio”.   Finding good things to think about isn’t as hard now that Logan is around, though.  If he giggles it’s enough to make the bad day seem less awful.  The trick is, I need to go over those little things at the end of the day, and remind myself that there will be good things about my day when I get up.  I remind myself every morning to look forward to the moments when he giggles or does something new or something cute.

A new trick I’m starting to use as well, is to give myself something to look forward to at the end of the day that’s just for me.  When Logan goes down for the night, I can spend an hour doing whatever I want.  Mostly it’s crocheting or knitting, but it could be reading, playing a computer game, or watching a movie with Ryan.  Or anything else, really. 

Sleep is also really important.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the advice “Sleep when baby sleeps”.  And I can’t express how nearly useless it is for me.  I can hardly ever sleep during the day, and I find it hard to fall asleep at night.  I’m lucky if I get seven hours of sleep, even if Logan sleeps for ten or more hours.  When I climb into bed at night, even if I’m utterly spent, my brain just doesn’t shut up.  So, I drown it out with relaxing sounds on my iPhone (I’ve really been into the slow waves and Zen tunes lately…).  I can change up the mix when my current one doesn’t work as well, and it never fails to put me to sleep within half an hour.  I envy my husband, who can be asleep before he even closes his eyes.

I also find setting small goals for the day to be helpful.  They can be anything from “fold the laundry” to “play in the yard for half an hour”.  Some days my goal is actually “accomplish nothing”.  If I set “nothing” as my goal, I don’t feel as guilty for not getting anything done, because I’ve accomplished my goal!  I keep my goals to one or two per day.  That way, if I get more done, it’s extra rewarding, and if I don’t, I’m not disappointed with myself.

  

HA!  Take that, Bad Days!